I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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