do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
