Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Boobs are out for the taking
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize