John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
