did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
