If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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