Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
