All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
