I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
