I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
