well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
