my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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