I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
