This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It's blow job season.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
