I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
