So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
