I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
