I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
