shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
