Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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