Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
