I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
