Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
