I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
