Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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