i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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