That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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