It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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