"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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