Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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