We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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