I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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