I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
