I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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