Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
