just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
