just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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