so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
