I think my vagina is haunted
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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