Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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