so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He did a backflip because drugs
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