I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
