Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
