butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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