So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize