ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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