Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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