We're facebook friends in real life
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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