Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Randomize
