I accidentally had phone sex last night
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
