it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
