it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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