apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
