If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
