We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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