question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
