everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
