I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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