Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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