just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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