I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
