she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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