we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I wear drunk well.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
