Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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