if only i could text you this smell
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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