Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
