did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
