i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
