Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
