Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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