I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
