the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
