I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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