All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
