so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
