I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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